Awards

The Scene shows up and we’re in what looks like an awards ceremony, the room is full and there is a buzz about the place as a man sheepishly walks up to the microphone on the stage, he is quickly identified as former IIW Interviewer Larry Fishburg

Larry Fishburg – Hello…My name is Larry Fishb….

‘Shut up you Mackerel’ comes from the crowd, it pans round to show Jonny C sat laughing at his own comment

Larry Fishburg – …Moving on… let me introduce you to former IIW Owner…Osh Vaughan!

There is a loud applause as Osh strolls up to the stage and looks around

Osh Vaughan – God DAMN It’s good to see so many faces out here

‘And Heels’ shouts out Shawn Taylor

Osh Vaughan – Very funny guys, I see your sarcy ways are still intact Shawn. So yes let me welcome you all to the IIW 5 Year Anniversary awards show. It has been 5 years now since IIW last ran a worldwide show and not a day goes by when I don’t miss it, but thankyou all for coming, there is an all you can eat buffet put on, grab a drink, grab some food and I’ll be back soon to start the first few legacy announcements.

Osh strolls off the stage looking round at some of the great names he recognises in the crowd, he walks past shaking hands with Mr Pain, Ashe Corvin, Rob Venom before his personal bodyguard Sergio comes walking over

Sergio – Mr.Vaughan there’s an issue at the entrance, someone is claiming to be a former IIW superstar, but we don’t have him on the list can you come see him please.

Osh nods his head following Sergio to the door, there stand 2 young looking guys

Osh – Hello?

Adam – Osh, Id’s me Adam Bradley! I’m hear wih Greg Hardy, kan u let me inn?

Osh – Who?

Adam – Adam! Bradders! The Wizard?

Osh – No Not sure

Adam – Bibbity Boppity Boo, Go Fuck You!

Osh – Sergio, I think you should get rid of these 2 young reprobates

Sergio walks over lifts the two of them up with one hand each and marches them out

Osh strolling back bumps into Sean Reigns

Osh – Hey Sean man, how you doing?
Sean – Osh man, I’m good, missing the ring work but things are good, bands done in though, just working day to day to make things meet ends, not like the old days mate, the money just isn’t there anymore

Osh – Shame to hear buddy, keep at it though I’m sure something will be just round the corner

Osh goes back to the stage.

Osh – So guys let’s get this started we will start with the latest addition to the IIW Hall of Fame…. Everyone knows about this guy, he’s been around for a while..screw it I’ll just get to The F’n Point!…That’s right… It’s Jonny C!

There is another loud applause as Jonny C stands up basking in the atmosphere, he takes a bow and heads up to the stage shaking hands with Osh

Jonny – Woopty Fucking Dooo Jonny C is in the Hall Of Fa….

‘What a hack!’ The heckle comes from the crowd

Jonny C – Who the hell was that? To interrupt my moment?

‘You only got this award from years of sucking up to Osh’

The crowd begins to disperse and stood there is none other than Jake E Dangerously

Jonny C – Jake E Fucking Dangerously, I thought you were dead!

Jake E Dangerously – No I’m not but god damn you look like you are, I know it’s been 5 years but you could’ve taken care of yourself a little better!

Jonny C – How dare you speak up and show your lack of class

Jake E Dangerously – The lack of class that put you on your back multiple times as well as being the longest reigning IIW World Champion in history?

Jonny C – You seem to have a lot to say why don’t you come up here and say it?

Osh quickly interrupts

Osh – Alright guys calm down, Jonny take your award and go sit down, lets calm this down this is meant to be a celebration!

Osh shakes his head walking off to try and find his wife Jenny

Osh – What the hell is that smell?

Osh opens a door and is knocked back by the smell of weed….

Chino and Stoner look up at Osh and start laughing

Osh shakes his head and closes the door walking off he walks past the Buffet where Adam Bradley and Greg hardy are having snuck in under some very poor disguise

Adam Bradley – It’s grate this plaice!

Adam turns round quickly knocking someone’s plate out of their humongous hands.

Adam Bradley looks up and see’s something out of this world…

Adam Bradley – ADAM THE MONSTER!

Adam stands there with his food on the floor looking angrier than he has ever been before because we all know if there is one thing this monster likes it’s food

Adam Bradley – I’m sorry sorry sooo sorry Mr Monster!

Adam The Monster looks down at Adam Bradley

Adam The Monster – Didn’t I once eat you?

Adam Bradley – Yes Misster butt u sed I no taiste gud

Adam The Monster shrugs his shoulders before leaning over and gobbling up Adam Bradley

ATM – Note to self. Like Wine, Bradders tastes better with age.

Back on Osh Vaughan he is looking around shaking his head

Osh Vaughan – I forgot how crazy this madhouse was!

**CRACK**

Everyone goes quiet and looks around… Shawn Taylor is stood up staring down at a waiter who is out cold on the floor

Shawn Taylor – That’s right… I don’t tolerate incompetence!

Shawn Taylor – The next time Shawn Taylor orders a god damn G and T you bring him a god damn G and T!

Shawn Taylor takes a sip of his drink

Shawn Taylor – Wait… this is a G and T… my bad…. We good though yeah?

The waiter continues to lie there motionless

Shawn Taylor – I’ll take that as a yes.

Osh Vaughan – Maybe I do remember why I got out of this…What’s next…Sahib threatening to blow up the event if he doesn’t get an award?

‘Excuse me Sir’ Someone jabs a finger into Osh’s back

Osh Vaughan – Stabby Joe?

Stabby Joe – Unfortunately it’s Jabby Joe now, police took away my knife, said next time It’s the death penalty.

Osh Vaughan – Sorry to hear that err Jabby, where is P C McGhee?

Stabby Joe – It’s a funny story that, he went big time, he was caught urinating into the holy water at Church, a Priest took him under his wing, he found Jesus and now he goes round preaching about how Jesus can turn around your life, something about how Jesus came upon him… sounds rather gay to me!

Osh Vaughan – Well least you still seem on your feet

Jabby Joe – Yeah got my own business now

Osh Vaughan – Nice what you doing?

Jabby Joe – Dealing Meth

Osh Vaughan – God Damnit!

Jabby Joe – Interested?

Osh strolls off as Jabby looks round for some other customers.

Announcement

We are sorry to announce that Adam The Monster has eaten all the food in the All You Can Eat Buffet. Sorry for any inconvenience!

‘WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF PAIN’

Kilo Jones slams another punks wrist to the table, as Kade Ortega laughs and throws his drink in the face of the failed challenger

Kilo Jones – anyone else fancy taking me on in an arm wrestling contest?

‘Maybe not but…WELCOME TO NEW JERSEY’

Kilo and Kade stop and turn around….

Kade – Donny Allen?

Donny – The Man Himself!

Kade – We haven’t seen you in… 7 years!

Kilo – Where have you been?
Donny Allen – Now that is a story for another time, but the clan is now back complete! Pass me a beer!

Osh Vaughan back on stage

Osh Vaughan – Right I hope things are beginning to calm down, though judging by the amount of alcohol that has been consumed I really doubt that

Osh Vaughan – We are here to announce….

Jonny C – I’m the best IIW World Champion!

Jake E Dangerously – NO IM THE BEST WORLD CHAMPION

Jonny C – I’m the best IIW World Champion!

Jake E Dangerously – NO IM THE BEST WORLD CHAMPION

Osh – Will you guys shut up!

‘Did someone say greatest world champion?’ It’s getting a bit heated in here, maybe you guys need the CHILL FACTOR!

Heat and Ice are here!

Heat – What you guys doing getting all hot and bothered about this when we all know that Chill Factor was and is the greatest tag team to ever enter the II……

‘Don’t you mean The Franchise?….’

Jason Fenix and Michael Hunter fly in straight into a fist fight with Chill Factor, lefts and rights are thrown by both parties before House Of Pain fully intact for the first time in years join in, suddenly bodies are hitting the floor as we see THE EXCLAMATION MARK….and again…and again. Jake E and Jonny arguing with each other still turn round to see the ruckus and jump in!

Osh Vaughan – God damn it! It looks like you guys still have the fight in you!

The hardcore legend Benz comes running carrying a table that he launches into the middle of the fight before flying in with a cross body. Sean Raines in on it now as he smashes Jonny C over the back with a chair. Sergio is in the mix now trying to pull people apart DANGEROUS LIASON takes out Sergio as Jake looks down and laughs.

Osh Vaughan – OK THAT’S IT… IF YOU ALL WANT TO FIGHT LETS DO IT PROPERLY… THE IIW IS COMING BACK!

On that bombshell announcement Everyone stops taken in by surprise and face Osh… the whole room is in shock the IIW is going to make a return? They start thinking if they are going to be apart of it or not.

Just then there is a loud pop and red slime drops from the top of the room covering all the IIW superstars, confusing the lot of them
In the corner Stoner and Chino can be seen laughing their arse off

Chino – Told you Stoner this would be amazing

Stoner – Ha man, Those idiots, great idea to cover them in slime

Chino – Damn punks I’ll see them in the IIW!

The announcement has really took the sting out of the room as a lot of them begin to make their way to clean themselves up the room is a mess covered in broken tables, slime, chairs.

A man walks over to the centre of the room mop in hand shaking his head

Charlie Schmidt – Now who the fuck is gonna clean this mess up?

A Few hours Later

The room is empty still a mess, Charlie is asleep in the corner. The door bursts open and 2 people stroll in

Max Hatred – We’re here bitches!

Rob Owens – where the hell is everyone?

Max Hatred – They’re gone…

Rob Owens – Sigh, I told you we should’ve got here earlier!

Max Hatred – Don’t hate on me you’re the one who said we should be fashionably late!