Go BIG or Go HOME
The Home Studio of Justin York
Toronto Ontario Canada
Hello, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the third edition of the Go Big or Go Home show! I’m your host and quite frankly this biggest star that shithole Mayhem roster has ever seen! Speaking of Mayhem, I’m going to be giving some predictions on the show that is totally filled top to bottom with drek. Let’s be honest though when I make a prediction it is no longer a prediction but a guarantee! Let’s seal some fuckin’ fates, shall we?
Match One
Singles Match
Anthony Phoenix vs Knox
Probably going to be the least entertaining match of the night. Phoenix is a god damn snooze fest anytime he steps between the ropes. Knox will clean up Phoenix quickly while I’m napping somewhere because well who gives an honest shit about anything to do with these two assclowns!
Winner: Knox
Match Three
Non Title
Singles Match
TJ Alexander vs Kameron Yates
TJ Alexander, you absolutely suck! There is not one quality about you that is likeable or hell even marketable. I said after I beat you that you should return to performing at carnivals and damn it, I meant it! (No wonder ratings won’t go up around here.) Kameron Yates takes the victory over TJ like everybody else except Phoenix so … Is this really that impressive?
Winner: Kameron Yates
Match Four
Tag Team Match
The Hamilton Establishment( Edward and Benjamin vs Bum Squad
These guys… The Hamilton Establishment.. they think they’re here to takeover in IIW but little do they know a takeover is already in motion and that’s my takeover. They best steer clear of me if they know what’s good for them. With that being said, they beatdown the BUM squad which I guess will be fun to watch … *EyeRoll*
Winner: The Hamilton Establishment
Match Five
Singles Match
Adam Williams vs Robert Ace
The Specialist, of what though exactly? Putting me the fuck to sleep? He couldn’t even hang in a match with Sean Raines and that’s pretty embarrassing. We all know at this point how I feel about Robert Ace taking up a spot with his no talent ass BUT.. He takes the win here… Are we done yet?
Winner: Robert Ace
Match Six
Singles Match
Non Title
Chris Page vs Crush
Alright so let’s dig our heels into this one a little, shall we? On one side you have Chris Page, one half of the IIW Tag Team Champions and what some would consider to be a badass pretty much wherever he goes (Justin mutter *What a F’n joke* to himself). On the other side of the ring, you have the IIW UK Champion, The self-proclaimed king of extreme, Crush. That big piece of shit got his win and kept his Championship at KKND. However, I’m onto bigger and better things than Crush could ever dream of while his career is about to be on the decline at the hands of CCP!
Winner: Chris Page
Match Seven
UK Number One Contender Match
Triple Threat
Sean Raines vs. El Landerson vs Big Poppa Puff” Scott Stoner
Sweet Jesus what do we have here… El Landerson in a number one contender’s match? Who’s making the cruel jokes around here? Big Poppa Puff, you wakenbake, fried all the time Jackass, I’ll bet everything I own you aren’t taking this one. That brings us to our Hardcore Champion Sean ‘I’m a big tall asswipe’ Raines. You’ve been running around talking a big game to get yourself some clout at the expense of ol’ JY. Well, you’ve got my attention and you best keep your head over your shoulder at Mayhem. You may win this match but when Crush is done toying with you and he will, I am going to slap the taste right out of your mouth and like the bitch you truly are, you’ll do nothing.
Winner: Sean Raines (Barely)
Match Eight
International Championship
I Quit Match
John Tolly vs Russell Wayne (c)
An I quit match.. Former friends… Team Friendship members… hopefully you both quit your careers after this! John Tolly turned his back on his friends, which is something I can’t really blame him for but does the dumbshit not realize there’s no one to carry him to the top now? Russell Wayne will leave Manchester with the International Championship still on his shoulder wasting away like my brain cells every damn time he gets into the ring.
Winner: Russell Wayne
Main Event
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Brandon Hendrix vs Jonny FnC (c)
Probably the most intriguing match of the night to be quite honest and for several reasons.
1)I can’t stand that stupid assclown Hendrix. Who the hell cashes in the Key 2 Success at such a wasteful event like Mayhem? Oh, that’s right someone with less talent than TJ Alexander. *Chuckles*
2)Jonny No Balls must defend his Championship again. It’s hilarious having to watch him scramble week after week to defend even though this defence is merely nothing but a joke.
3)No matter who wins I am happy. I get to watch two of the people I despise the most in IIW beat the living shit out of each other and no atter who wins it’s an easy path to the Championship. Hendrix or Jonny No Balls, they’re both screwed either way. But since I am a gambling man, I’ll put all my money on Jonny No Balls retaining and clinging onto that World Championship desperately like he has to this point. Regardless, it matters not because neither man is on my level and soon, they’ll both find that out!
Winner: Jonny FnC
It’s over? *Justin takes deep sigh of relief and pours a glass of champagne and sips. * Thank good god I don’t have to do anymore of this crap.. until next week.. *finger gun to head*… Return here next week on no specific date because I work on my time and my time only for the First Class predictions as well as more Mayhem predictions because ya know there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. *Rolls eyes*
