Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to another episode of the Go Big or Go Home show where the stakes can’t get any higher and the talent can’t get any dryer hosted by yours truly ‘the Casino Kid’ Justin York. As always, I’m joined by my beautiful wife ‘The Queen’ Stacey York which is perfectly fitting this week and I will be reviewing First Class Pay Per View Rise Up! Cause you know this is a worthy investment of my time! I guess I best watch my tongue through the duration of this episode, so I don’t upset any of the fragile little girls over in First Class. Let’s save ourselves the pain of going through this all day and jump right into it.
Match # 1
Latoya Hixx vs Sapphire
JY- So in this match we have a new-comer in Sapphire and someone who has been around for a while in Latoya Hixx but never found great success which can’t honestly be a surprise to anyone. I’m going to take the new girl on the block Sapphire over Latoya Hixx decisively and any human being with a lick of common sense would say the say damn thing! Neither woman stacks up to ‘The Queen’ in anyway whatsoever!
Match # 2
Business Neko vs Legion
JY- Two women that quite honestly don’t have any business being in a wrestling ring. It’s embarrassing, you’ve got that weirdo Legion and then you’ve got some other masked weirdo in Business Neko. This is going to be a battle of downright weirdos! I could give a shit less about this match nor will I waste a second of my time watching it. If I had to pick, I’m going with the total fuckin’ weirdo Legion as she’s coming off a loss at the hands of Etune Manger at First Class while Business Neko lost to Ari Sharpe? Hah!! Legion will be looking to redeem herself in this battle of total fuckin’ weirdo’s… What? You thought I was going to be nice?
Match # 3
Standard Rules (Winner gets and Ascension title shot at First Class)
Joan Frederikson vs Etune ‘not a manager’ Manager
JY- First off can I just say how God damn dumb Etune’s name is? Obviously, you’re not a manager you dipstick but we all wish you were and that’s a fact! Etune is coming off aa very unimpressive win against that weirdo we just spoke about Legion at First Class while Joan Frederikson was laid the hell our somewhere backstage by a clearly less talented. Maybe she should’ve kept her head on a swivel! Looks good on her either way. Etune ‘Dumbass Name’ Manager takes advantage of the probably still recovering and far less talented Joan Frederikson.. Don’t get too confident Etune, my wife would clean that stupid look off your face any given night and twice on Sunday!
Winner: Etune Manager
Match # 4
Women’s world title tournament semi-final match # 1
Alicia Rice vs Mary Taylor Chang
JY- Jesus Christ. Oh no Mary Taylor Chang I took the lords name in vain. HAH! Seriously though this match whas all the ingredients for classic and I don’t say that often. Mary Taylor Chang will continue her momentum and steam roll Alicia Rice with ease! Not that I actually give a sweet shit at all!
Winner: Mary Taylor Chang
Match # 5
Evolution Title Match
Jamie Riott [C] vs Ari Sharpe
JY- Jamie Riott ? I can’t stand her or that asswipe she spends all her spare time with Jonny C. As much as it does nothing to advance the popularity of First Class as a brand or add prestige to the Evolution title, I pick Ari Sharpe. She’ll be your new evolution champion and Jamie Riott and that assclown Jonny C will have no gold left at all and they can sit and cry about it like the little bitches they are!
Winner: Ari Sharpe
Match # 6
Women’s world title tournament semi-final match # 2
Sonya Benson vs Donna Di Falco
Sonya Benson is coming off a win against ‘The Stupid Bitch who thinks she’s in charge’ Taylor Blazer while Donna Di Falco fought to a time limit draw with Alicia Rice. To be quite honest with you I think Di Falco is far too much for Benson to handle in that ring her and her little puppy Malice! I think Di Falco dominates Benson and God damn I can’t wait to see the fight that ensues between Dana Diamond and Di Falco. That big beastly braud is going to wreck shit! Di Falco fucked up!
Winner: Donna Di Falco
Match # 7
Fatal 4 way Ladder Match for the Ascension Title.
Taylor Blazer vs Ashley Vaughan vs Dana Diamond vs Khloe Cox
Let’s go in reverse here, shall we? Let’s start off with Khloe Cox lost her last two matches in devastating fashion and I don’t think this is any different and there Isn’t any further to discuss on this topic period plain and simple. Dana Diamond, that huge bitch over there tossing people around at will. Lost her first match and redeemed herself against literally a nobody right away. I don’t know what to make of her besides the fact that she’s huge and obviously not very intelligent running face on into the Di Falco Crusade but hell its fun to watch! Ashley Vaughan? C’mon now the daughter of Osh Vaughan and ol’ Fletchey? Give me a break without daddy privilege she isn’t doing shit in this match and that leaves us with one. ‘The Stupid Bitch who thinks she’s in charge’ Taylor Blazer. Not only does she not stand a god damn chance but she’s caught the eye of ‘The Queen’ and that’s something you never want to do! I’d keep my head over my shoulder if I was you Taylor, then again, I guess it doesn’t matter cause my wife will knock your block off regardless! I’m taking that massive muscular bitch in Dana Diamond, and I hope her and Di Falco continue to beat the hell out of each other all over the whole arena!
Winner: Dana Diamond
Match # 8
Women’s title tournament final
The winner of Di Falco and Benson takes on the winner of Mary Taylor Chang and Alicia Rice. So I have May Taylor Chang and Donna Di Falco. To be quite honest I don’t think Di Falco makes it through the night without having her head bounced around by Dana Diamond which will be a beautiful sight to see might I add. I think Mary Taylor Chang is your new women’s champion and I also think that when The Queen Stacey York is done toying with Taylor Blazer that title will come home to The High Rollers!
Winner: Mary Taylor Chang
Justin takes a deep breath and one of relief. Thank fuck that’s over with, I was losing brain cells by the minute! Is there anything you’d like to add to this mess that we have to publish for people to, see?
SY- Nothing to add here I enjoy listening to you make the predictions and shredding the stupid no-talent pieces of crap that fill both rosters. There’s nothing of value happening at this event especially having Taylor Blazer in the main event. This is nothing short of a travesty to everyone involved. But worry not because I WILL be at Rise Up and what’s going to happen when I arrive is something ill let everyone else predict but I can guarantee you it’s not going to be pretty! And you can bank on that… BITCH!!
JY- There you have it folks, From The Queen herself. She will be at Rise Up and God damnit I can’t wait to see it. That show will have never looked so good!
Join me next Thursday April 21st for the predictions of First Class which you already know I’m looking forward too.
Justin rolls his eyes and mutters ‘Fuck Sake’ to himself before fading off to the image for Justin York’s Go Big or Go Home show!